I’ve been away from God for a minute. Well not really because God is always with me; but this time I’m (once again) actively pushing to know him better and to do life with him. (I honestly hate saying ‘him’ when talking about God because God is genderless… but patriarchy is choking us even in this. Anyway, I digress. I’ll come back to that topic later.)

I’m currently reading Deuteronomy and I’m not even going to lie, I feel uneasy with Chapter two. It just seems wild to be that they could go and not only displace , but kill a whole town and settle in their lands in the name and authority of God.

Especially with what happened recently. I never really understood how deep it was. I guess I forgot about the humanity of the people being killed in the Bible until I saw them being displaced in real time.

Chapter two says nobody was spared. Not even the children. But what did those poor babies even do?? Like do you get?

They were probably just crying for milk and two seconds later a random guy is beheading them. It’s very upsetting. I mean I understand that they can grow older and turn against them but I can’t wrap my head around it still.

Maybe I need to dig deeper and go back into studying why they had to leave where they were in the first place and if they had beef with those cities before.

Till then, you will be getting a confused Zillenial who is trying to balance knowing/loving and understanding God (and all he did/does) with the things she values and her ‘morals’ (even though a bulk of my morality comes from knowing God and wanting to please him).

Wo, me I’m confused oh.