I had an epiphany a couple of days ago – it was on Monday. I went to check for record keeping purposes.
I think I have abandonment issues. I mean I know I do. It’s why I freaked out when Stargazer* (my friends nickname the men I talk to) didn’t respond to me for four days and why I learned to detach from people so easily. It’s also why I choose to not commit to people because I’m crippled with fear.
I’d always known there was something up with me but putting a name to it shook me. Like shit. I’m actually fucking broken.
My friend says it’s a good thing because now I can fix it. I don’t agree. I’ve felt so down and out of place since then. I just want to crawl in a hole and cry because why the hell am I so messed up? I don’t want to fight fucking battles all the damn time. I just want to be happy and moderately normal.