Unteachable

Unteachable.

That’s what he called me before he banged the door and left for work.

We haven’t spoken in three days. Well, I haven’t spoken to him. He’s done a lot of speaking. The voice notes, the texts, the DMs, the emails, and when none of those worked – the flowers. He could always get me back with flowers. You know those green and white ones with purple streaks. I forget what they’re called. I wasn’t a flower person until I met him. Anyway, it’s not going to work this time. I have to let him know what being unteachable really means because I’m not that. Far from it.

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Lust.

Let’s talk about lust, shall we?

No one really talks about the sin of lust anymore. It’s so normal in this generation. In fact, if you google it, you’d see articles telling you how lust can boost your immune system or increase your life span.

As a young child, whenever I saw someone I found attractive, I would look away immediately and ask God to forgive me for lustful thoughts. I didn’t want any smoke (quite literally – hell, but also from God). Thinking about it makes me laugh. If I could go back, I’d tell younger me to calm down because God wasn’t going to strike her for thinking Tolani had nice eyes.

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Built for love.

Hello!

It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. I’m not even going to sit here and lie – it was intentional. I was running away because I was embarrassed. I’m not the same person you met and I didn’t want you to see this part of me. However, I feel like I’m accountable to you as I have shared some parts of my journey with you, so I’m back to let you in.

The last time we spoke I told you my stance about showing love and being vulnerable. I said I had found a balance and everything was going to be finally perfect and yadiyadiya. Well, it turns out I tipped the scale. The girl who preached to be kind, loving, forgiving, honest and open is MIA.

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Final embrace.

One last embrace
One last smell of your sweet smelling perfume
One last kiss on the softest of lips

Before your heart stops
As I hold your head
Rocking to the music we first danced to.

As I catch your last breathe,
And see your eyes open
With that famous crooked smile 


One last time.

One last touch

One last hope 

One last chance


To say 'I love you'
Before your soul leaves 

And I'm left with only what held your essence


And a shattered heart.


	

Better.

Do you remember the promises -
the ones we made as we lay
counting the squares on my ceiling?

Do you remember the words you spoke -
the ones that were so gentle
and soft it made my ears tingle?

Do you remember the tears -
the ones that we shed because our love
was too intense for us to handle

Do you remember the day -
the one where I left
in hope of greener pastures

I remember those moments -
the ones where I'm happy
and without worries

I like me better when I'm with you
When my heart is close to yours
and I can feel its rhythm with ease.

Daddy’s Princess


I heard these words eight years ago in a movie –

“Whatever you do; wherever you go
always remember you’re daddy’s princess”

Whenever the devil tries to guilt me.
This line is always a reminder that I am,
and will always be God’s princess.

No matter how far I go;
Whenever I return,
I will always have my place
secure in my father’s house.

I am not a stranger.

Strains from the inside.

The doctor gave me stronger puffers today
He says that there's still a strain in my chest
That strain is from missing you, my love
missing the sounds of your laughter.

Those random breathless moments are
from missing your heartwarming hugs 
the sporadic moments of pain -
a way of letting me know
it never fully healed

The doctor gave me steroids
he doesn't know that all my heart needs is you.