That’s what he called me before he banged the door and left for work.
We haven’t spoken in three days. Well, I haven’t spoken to him. He’s done a lot of speaking. The voice notes, the texts, the DMs, the emails, and when none of those worked – the flowers. He could always get me back with flowers. You know those green and white ones with purple streaks. I forget what they’re called. I wasn’t a flower person until I met him. Anyway, it’s not going to work this time. I have to let him know what being unteachable really means because I’m not that. Far from it.
Continue reading “Unteachable”
Let’s talk about lust, shall we?
No one really talks about the sin of lust anymore. It’s so normal in this generation. In fact, if you google it, you’d see articles telling you how lust can boost your immune system or increase your life span.
As a young child, whenever I saw someone I found attractive, I would look away immediately and ask God to forgive me for lustful thoughts. I didn’t want any smoke (quite literally – hell, but also from God). Thinking about it makes me laugh. If I could go back, I’d tell younger me to calm down because God wasn’t going to strike her for thinking Tolani had nice eyes.
Continue reading “Lust.”
It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. I’m not even going to sit here and lie – it was intentional. I was running away because I was embarrassed. I’m not the same person you met and I didn’t want you to see this part of me. However, I feel like I’m accountable to you as I have shared some parts of my journey with you, so I’m back to let you in.
The last time we spoke I told you my stance about showing love and being vulnerable. I said I had found a balance and everything was going to be finally perfect and yadiyadiya. Well, it turns out I tipped the scale. The girl who preached to be kind, loving, forgiving, honest and open is MIA.
Continue reading “Built for love.”
One last embrace
One last smell of your sweet smelling perfume
One last kiss on the softest of lips
Before your heart stops
As I hold your head
Rocking to the music we first danced to.
As I catch your last breathe,
And see your eyes open
With that famous crooked smile
One last time.
One last touch
One last hope
One last chance
To say 'I love you'
Before your soul leaves
And I'm left with only what held your essence
And a shattered heart.
Do you remember the promises -
the ones we made as we lay
counting the squares on my ceiling?
Do you remember the words you spoke -
the ones that were so gentle
and soft it made my ears tingle?
Do you remember the tears -
the ones that we shed because our love
was too intense for us to handle
Do you remember the day -
the one where I left
in hope of greener pastures
I remember those moments -
the ones where I'm happy
and without worries
I like me better when I'm with you
When my heart is close to yours
and I can feel its rhythm with ease.
I heard these words eight years ago in a movie –
“Whatever you do; wherever you go
always remember you’re daddy’s princess”
Whenever the devil tries to guilt me.
This line is always a reminder that I am,
and will always be God’s princess.
No matter how far I go;
Whenever I return,
I will always have my place
secure in my father’s house.
I am not a stranger.
The doctor gave me stronger puffers today
He says that there's still a strain in my chest
That strain is from missing you, my love
missing the sounds of your laughter.
Those random breathless moments are
from missing your heartwarming hugs
the sporadic moments of pain -
a way of letting me know
it never fully healed
The doctor gave me steroids
he doesn't know that all my heart needs is you.
I travelled home last week for a celebration. It was an amazing family reunion and to be honest, I’ve only been back a day but I already feel out of place. I miss my family – my safe space. I have felt true happiness this past week; pure joy, security, calmness and peace.
Maybe I’ll go into more details about my trip when I’m settled in properly but that’s all for now. I just felt the need to share how I’m feeling at the moment.
Here are the top things I learned in the first three months of the year.
Continue reading “Top 15 Lessons in the First Three Months of 2019.”
- God is interested in every aspect of your life no matter how minute.
- Fear will cripple you. Tell the devil to keep his useless gift.
- There’s a very thin line between kindness and foolishness.
- Love is not only the expression acceptable to show; express your anger and disappointment too.
- Not everyone should be allowed see you bare and laid down. Guard your space.
- Your eyes disappear and your face is funny when you laugh; but do it anyway.
I became one with you
the moment I proclaimed You Lord over me
I became your heart
the minute you ran towards me
I lost my way; ashamed to find your face
But your love found me
your peace, wrapped around me tightly
Never in my broken girl's wildest dreams
did I see such a beautiful redemption happening to me.
I am one with you;
because I proclaimed You Lord over me