Posted in Boldesh, Verse

Strains from the inside.

The doctor gave me stronger puffers today
He says that there's still a strain in my chest
That strain is from missing you, my love
missing the sounds of your laughter.

Those random breathless moments are
from missing your heartwarming hugs 
the sporadic moments of pain -
a way of letting me know
it never fully healed

The doctor gave me steroids
he doesn't know that all my heart needs is you.
Posted in Boldesh, Faith, Not so fiction

Dealing with loss

I’d be the first to let you know that I haven’t really dealt with the death of my mother. I have buried it deep down and haven’t come to terms with it. 

I honestly haven’t cried that I lost her.

I’ve cried that she didn’t get to see my husband and tease him, cried that my children wouldn’t be able to receive her kisses and unending love, cried for the people that depended on her, cried that I couldn’t save her. 

But not once have I cried that the only person I have loved with all of my heart is no longer here with me. That I would no longer have air kiss competitions after she told me she loved me at the end of our phone conversations. I haven’t cried that I wouldn’t hear her call me ‘pretty babe’ while caressing my face or take a jab at my small bum and squeeze it.

Continue reading “Dealing with loss”
Posted in Boldesh, Faith, Not so fiction

Back rubs

The back pains started again yesterday.

It was a sad day.

If this happened last year, I’d have comforted myself in the fact that my mother would be back soon to give me her healing back rubs.

“Just a few more months. Be patient”

There was nothing to comfort myself in yesterday. Knowing that I’d never feel her tender, yet firm hands kneading my back and sharing in my pain with her words.

But I’m comforted in the fact that there’s a God who loves me more than my mum could have ever been capable of. So he’ll give me those back rubs when I need them. He’d not only share my pain, but he’d also take them away completely.

I have to learn to trust in his love and realize that he’s enough for me.