It’s Good News!

WHEW! Finally! I feel like most of my personal blogs here are of me beating myself down and picking apart all the things I feel are wrong with me and my life in general. We are going to step away from that today and give myself credit for the amazingly good job I’ve been doing lately.

First off, HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRR!!! *insert dancing and party popper emojis*

How’s your year been so far? Did you make any resolutions? Are you keeping them? Best believe I’m giving you the side eye if you have broken them. Like, can you get it together? It’s only been 18 days bro (jk, I’m with you. I was back to pop two days into the year).

This year has been great but let’s go back just a little bit because will it really be Bold-ish if I don’t overshare the less fancy part of my life? – not like it’s usually fancy.

Okay, so the ending of 2019 was a bit rough (cue uncomfortable chuckle). In fact, let me tell you how the first seconds of my 2020 were. When the countdown ended and everyone around me hugged and kissed each other, I plopped down and burst into tears. I didn’t think I’d make it. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to make it to the new year.

The -ember months felt like shit. In fact, July felt like shit too and so did August. Life was just hitting me back-to-back you know – gbas gbos. I went into a hole and stopped responding to texts. I didn’t return phone calls and actively stayed away from people who kept me grounded. So as expected, I started to misbehave. Looking back I’m SHOOK at what I was dabbling in. Best believe I’m never speaking of it LOL. It died with 2019 please. Isaiah 43:18 ‘Forget the former things, don’t dwell on the past’. Hallelujah? Amen.

Moving forward as quickly as possible before the embarrassment hits, this new year has been incredible. I feel lighter, happier, healthier and more organized. I have found myself dancing on the streets again, reaching out to friends and family and inserting myself back into the community. Parts of my life are coming together. I’m still struggling with my faith but God and I are working it out. It’s all good.

I plan to write more this year; longer fictional stories (guys, I wrote novels in the past), more verses – you guys seem to love them, and of course, overshare my life and hopefully insert more of my wins.

Your girl is THRIVING now sha. I’m walking on sunshine and it really does feel good! I see the light at the end of the tunnel, brighter than ever. This life is beautiful and as BayoBond says, ‘this life is for the living and we go live am DIE!’

Here’s to 2020 and all the beautiful moments waiting to happen. Cheers to a healthy mental state, great food, great conversations, and cheers to my friends who didn’t give up on me when I went silent. Cheers to you, yes you, for keeping this place safe for me to pour my heart out.

To a year filled with so much love, vulnerability and healthy relationships.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ayonge.

It’s been two years 
Yet I forget how to breathe - sometimes
Everyday is a reminder of how I failed you
On the day you needed me the most.
Ayonge, I will have to live with this burden
all the days of my life
but I'm not complaining
I just hope I am forgiven.

Built for love.

Hello!

It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. I’m not even going to sit here and lie – it was intentional. I was running away because I was embarrassed. I’m not the same person you met and I didn’t want you to see this part of me. However, I feel like I’m accountable to you as I have shared some parts of my journey with you, so I’m back to let you in.

The last time we spoke I told you my stance about showing love and being vulnerable. I said I had found a balance and everything was going to be finally perfect and yadiyadiya. Well, it turns out I tipped the scale. The girl who preached to be kind, loving, forgiving, honest and open is MIA.

Continue reading “Built for love.”

Top 15 Lessons in the First Three Months of 2019.

Here are the top things I learned in the first three months of the year.

  1. God is interested in every aspect of your life no matter how minute.
  2. Fear will cripple you. Tell the devil to keep his useless gift.
  3. There’s a very thin line between kindness and foolishness.
  4. Love is not only the expression acceptable to show; express your anger and disappointment too.
  5. Not everyone should be allowed see you bare and laid down. Guard your space.
  6. Your eyes disappear and your face is funny when you laugh; but do it anyway.
Continue reading “Top 15 Lessons in the First Three Months of 2019.”

I found her.

I got a word from my heart.
She whispered,
'Maybe if you stop searching,
you'll find me.'

So I took a break from
certain faces that made me
feel uncomfortable
Certain spaces that made me
feel inadequate
Whatever it took, to find me.

And when I stopped searching -
I found her
waiting for her prodigal part
to return home.

Up again.

I see you building those walls up again
The walls we struggled to pull down
in tears and sweat.

I know it's hard / I know you're hurting
I know you're tired / I know you're drained

But we've come too far / Too damn far to give up.
Stay strong, fighter / put down the bricks
Keep those walls / low and flat

I promise; You, my love
are stronger than you know.