Commitment Woes.

I have commitment issues. You probably already picked up on it from my posts but I only realized this a couple of months ago when I met new people. I found it extremely difficult to let them into my life and build a relationship with them.

Through self-reflection and borderline tearing myself down, I linked this to the broken relationships I’ve had – I don’t think I healed in a healthy way.

These new people seemed like genuine people who just wanted to share the love of the father with me with no strings attached but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it would all burst in my face.

I now realize that the feeling was fear. It crippled me so that I was unable to love with all of my body and mind, thereby robbing them of my value and myself of a good friendship. I know that fear comes from the father of lies – the devil but I am no longer a slave to fear. I have not been given the spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. It’s one of the reasons I started this blog and I can’t believe it took me so long to remember.

I’m taking steps to becoming better. I’m active in the group chat, I tell them how much I love them, and yes, I even post them on social media (which is basically like introducing your boyfriend to your parents tbh).

I obviously still sometimes have those doubts kick in but I’ve decided to be optimistic and go with the ride. If I come crashing again… well you’ll be the first to find out.

Arthur.

I did say I’d love you forever
but forever ended the day you
raised your hand and left a bruise.
That day, you died to me.

I didn’t see it coming
I’ll give you that
You lasted a long time
under those sheep clothes

You’ve been stripped, Arthur
there’s no longer a veil
of majesty in your presence.
Just the weak frame of a
lying man. A fraud.

Built for love.

Hello!

It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. I’m not even going to sit here and lie – it was intentional. I was running away because I was embarrassed. I’m not the same person you met and I didn’t want you to see this part of me. However, I feel like I’m accountable to you as I have shared some parts of my journey with you, so I’m back to let you in.

The last time we spoke I told you my stance about showing love and being vulnerable. I said I had found a balance and everything was going to be finally perfect and yadiyadiya. Well, it turns out I tipped the scale. The girl who preached to be kind, loving, forgiving, honest and open is MIA.

Continue reading “Built for love.”

Better.

Do you remember the promises -
the ones we made as we lay
counting the squares on my ceiling?

Do you remember the words you spoke -
the ones that were so gentle
and soft it made my ears tingle?

Do you remember the tears -
the ones that we shed because our love
was too intense for us to handle

Do you remember the day -
the one where I left
in hope of greener pastures

I remember those moments -
the ones where I'm happy
and without worries

I like me better when I'm with you
When my heart is close to yours
and I can feel its rhythm with ease.

Daddy’s Princess


I heard these words eight years ago in a movie –

“Whatever you do; wherever you go
always remember you’re daddy’s princess”

Whenever the devil tries to guilt me.
This line is always a reminder that I am,
and will always be God’s princess.

No matter how far I go;
Whenever I return,
I will always have my place
secure in my father’s house.

I am not a stranger.

I found her.

I got a word from my heart.
She whispered,
'Maybe if you stop searching,
you'll find me.'

So I took a break from
certain faces that made me
feel uncomfortable
Certain spaces that made me
feel inadequate
Whatever it took, to find me.

And when I stopped searching -
I found her
waiting for her prodigal part
to return home.

Do you?

When you lay your head
And close your eyes
Do you dream of me?

When you wake up
and see the sunrise
Do you think of me?

When you pick up the camera
and look into the lens
Do you see my face?

Do you see my eyes
Staring into your soul?
Do you see my smile
and the wrinkles on my nose?
Do you notice my dimples
Dig deep and bore holes?

Do you smile back at me 
With your tongue out
And your eyes in a squint?

Or do you try to break our glance 
and realize that I have you locked
and unable to leave?

I love you; I really do
and I'll be damned 
if I let you go this way.

To B