It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. I’m not even going to sit here and lie – it was intentional. I was running away because I was embarrassed. I’m not the same person you met and I didn’t want you to see this part of me. However, I feel like I’m accountable to you as I have shared some parts of my journey with you, so I’m back to let you in.
The last time we spoke I told you my stance about showing love and being vulnerable. I said I had found a balance and everything was going to be finally perfect and yadiyadiya. Well, it turns out I tipped the scale. The girl who preached to be kind, loving, forgiving, honest and open is MIA.
Continue reading “Built for love.”
I’d be the first to let you know that I haven’t really dealt with the death of my mother. I have buried it deep down and haven’t come to terms with it.
I honestly haven’t cried that I lost her.
I’ve cried that she didn’t get to see my husband and tease him, cried that my children wouldn’t be able to receive her kisses and unending love, cried for the people that depended on her, cried that I couldn’t save her.
But not once have I cried that the only person I have loved with all of my heart is no longer here with me. That I would no longer have air kiss competitions after she told me she loved me at the end of our phone conversations. I haven’t cried that I wouldn’t hear her call me ‘pretty babe’ while caressing my face or take a jab at my small bum and squeeze it.
Continue reading “Dealing with loss”
The back pains started again yesterday.
It was a sad day.
If this happened last year, I’d have comforted myself in the fact that my mother would be back soon to give me her healing back rubs.
“Just a few more months. Be patient”
There was nothing to comfort myself in yesterday. Knowing that I’d never feel her tender, yet firm hands kneading my back and sharing in my pain with her words.
But I’m comforted in the fact that there’s a God who loves me more than my mum could have ever been capable of. So he’ll give me those back rubs when I need them. He’d not only share my pain, but he’d also take them away completely.
I have to learn to trust in his love and realize that he’s enough for me.
So I shaved my hair.
I had been thinking of shaving my head for over a year but my balls hadn’t grown big enough. “What if the shape of your head is bad? Get a boyfriend first, that way, he can’t leave when you shave your head. Is it not a sin?”
Finally, my balls overgrew and exploded.
*poof* Continue reading “Bald-ish”
Tribute to a mother.
Most times, I don’t have the words to explain who my mother was. It’s really hard to condense her whole being and the different sides of her I got to experience into a few sentences. But I will try.
I’ll share a story with you. A moment I keep very dearly in my heart.
Continue reading “Fere Bi Ekun.”