It’s Good News!

WHEW! Finally! I feel like most of my personal blogs here are of me beating myself down and picking apart all the things I feel are wrong with me and my life in general. We are going to step away from that today and give myself credit for the amazingly good job I’ve been doing lately.

First off, HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRR!!! *insert dancing and party popper emojis*

How’s your year been so far? Did you make any resolutions? Are you keeping them? Best believe I’m giving you the side eye if you have broken them. Like, can you get it together? It’s only been 18 days bro (jk, I’m with you. I was back to pop two days into the year).

This year has been great but let’s go back just a little bit because will it really be Bold-ish if I don’t overshare the less fancy part of my life? – not like it’s usually fancy.

Okay, so the ending of 2019 was a bit rough (cue uncomfortable chuckle). In fact, let me tell you how the first seconds of my 2020 were. When the countdown ended and everyone around me hugged and kissed each other, I plopped down and burst into tears. I didn’t think I’d make it. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to make it to the new year.

The -ember months felt like shit. In fact, July felt like shit too and so did August. Life was just hitting me back-to-back you know – gbas gbos. I went into a hole and stopped responding to texts. I didn’t return phone calls and actively stayed away from people who kept me grounded. So as expected, I started to misbehave. Looking back I’m SHOOK at what I was dabbling in. Best believe I’m never speaking of it LOL. It died with 2019 please. Isaiah 43:18 ‘Forget the former things, don’t dwell on the past’. Hallelujah? Amen.

Moving forward as quickly as possible before the embarrassment hits, this new year has been incredible. I feel lighter, happier, healthier and more organized. I have found myself dancing on the streets again, reaching out to friends and family and inserting myself back into the community. Parts of my life are coming together. I’m still struggling with my faith but God and I are working it out. It’s all good.

I plan to write more this year; longer fictional stories (guys, I wrote novels in the past), more verses – you guys seem to love them, and of course, overshare my life and hopefully insert more of my wins.

Your girl is THRIVING now sha. I’m walking on sunshine and it really does feel good! I see the light at the end of the tunnel, brighter than ever. This life is beautiful and as BayoBond says, ‘this life is for the living and we go live am DIE!’

Here’s to 2020 and all the beautiful moments waiting to happen. Cheers to a healthy mental state, great food, great conversations, and cheers to my friends who didn’t give up on me when I went silent. Cheers to you, yes you, for keeping this place safe for me to pour my heart out.

To a year filled with so much love, vulnerability and healthy relationships.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Built for love.

Hello!

It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. I’m not even going to sit here and lie – it was intentional. I was running away because I was embarrassed. I’m not the same person you met and I didn’t want you to see this part of me. However, I feel like I’m accountable to you as I have shared some parts of my journey with you, so I’m back to let you in.

The last time we spoke I told you my stance about showing love and being vulnerable. I said I had found a balance and everything was going to be finally perfect and yadiyadiya. Well, it turns out I tipped the scale. The girl who preached to be kind, loving, forgiving, honest and open is MIA.

Continue reading “Built for love.”

Dealing with loss

I’d be the first to let you know that I haven’t really dealt with the death of my mother. I have buried it deep down and haven’t come to terms with it. 

I honestly haven’t cried that I lost her.

I’ve cried that she didn’t get to see my husband and tease him, cried that my children wouldn’t be able to receive her kisses and unending love, cried for the people that depended on her, cried that I couldn’t save her. 

But not once have I cried that the only person I have loved with all of my heart is no longer here with me. That I would no longer have air kiss competitions after she told me she loved me at the end of our phone conversations. I haven’t cried that I wouldn’t hear her call me ‘pretty babe’ while caressing my face or take a jab at my small bum and squeeze it.

Continue reading “Dealing with loss”

Back rubs

The back pains started again yesterday.

It was a sad day.

If this happened last year, I’d have comforted myself in the fact that my mother would be back soon to give me her healing back rubs.

“Just a few more months. Be patient”

There was nothing to comfort myself in yesterday. Knowing that I’d never feel her tender, yet firm hands kneading my back and sharing in my pain with her words.

But I’m comforted in the fact that there’s a God who loves me more than my mum could have ever been capable of. So he’ll give me those back rubs when I need them. He’d not only share my pain, but he’d also take them away completely.

I have to learn to trust in his love and realize that he’s enough for me.