I have commitment issues. You probably already picked up on it from my posts but I only realized this a couple of months ago when I met new people. I found it extremely difficult to let them into my life and build a relationship with them.
Through self-reflection and borderline tearing myself down, I linked this to the broken relationships I’ve had – I don’t think I healed in a healthy way.
These new people seemed like genuine people who just wanted to share the love of the father with me with no strings attached but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it would all burst in my face.
I now realize that the feeling was fear. It crippled me so that I was unable to love with all of my body and mind, thereby robbing them of my value and myself of a good friendship. I know that fear comes from the father of lies – the devil but I am no longer a slave to fear. I have not been given the spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. It’s one of the reasons I started this blog and I can’t believe it took me so long to remember.
I’m taking steps to becoming better. I’m active in the group chat, I tell them how much I love them, and yes, I even post them on social media (which is basically like introducing your boyfriend to your parents tbh).
I obviously still sometimes have those doubts kick in but I’ve decided to be optimistic and go with the ride. If I come crashing again… well you’ll be the first to find out.