Let me let you in on a secret – I’m scared of water. It doesn’t matter if I’m knee deep or ankle deep. I just don’t like it.
So when my friend, N, suggested that we add jet skiing to our day trip plans, my immediate answer was a solid “hell to the no”. And I settled for rock climbing instead whilst she went into the water (gotta get these abs popping one way or another yh? LOL).
Don’t ask how I found myself on the passenger seat. I’m not really sure. She really knows how to get me because I went from ‘I would never’ to ‘fine, I’ll come to watch’ to screaming and laughing in the water.
And girl, it was so exciting. The wind, the water, the speed; I had never experienced such wonderfulness. I wasn’t even scared when the waves got really rough. All I saw was the beauty in it. It looked like someone had put a high-speed fan under a light blanket. Absolutely stunning.
We didn’t make it back to land before the heavy rain. Half of my makeup was gone (deffo looked like a clown), and my wig was a mess. That didn’t dampen the mood though. I wiped the rest of the makeup off my face, combed out my natural hair and was ready for the next adventure.
I have tasted and seen (that the Lord is good) the life on the other side of fear and it’s ridiculously exhilarating! There’s no stopping me now. Next stop is jumping out of the plane!
I’m kidding. That’s a hell to the no.
Let’s talk about lust, shall we?
No one really talks about the sin of lust anymore. It’s so normal in this generation. In fact, if you google it, you’d see articles telling you how lust can boost your immune system or increase your life span.
As a young child, whenever I saw someone I found attractive, I would look away immediately and ask God to forgive me for lustful thoughts. I didn’t want any smoke (quite literally – hell, but also from God). Thinking about it makes me laugh. If I could go back, I’d tell younger me to calm down because God wasn’t going to strike her for thinking Tolani had nice eyes.
Continue reading “Lust.”
It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. I’m not even going to sit here and lie – it was intentional. I was running away because I was embarrassed. I’m not the same person you met and I didn’t want you to see this part of me. However, I feel like I’m accountable to you as I have shared some parts of my journey with you, so I’m back to let you in.
The last time we spoke I told you my stance about showing love and being vulnerable. I said I had found a balance and everything was going to be finally perfect and yadiyadiya. Well, it turns out I tipped the scale. The girl who preached to be kind, loving, forgiving, honest and open is MIA.
Continue reading “Built for love.”
One last embrace
One last smell of your sweet smelling perfume
One last kiss on the softest of lips
Before your heart stops
As I hold your head
Rocking to the music we first danced to.
As I catch your last breathe,
And see your eyes open
With that famous crooked smile
One last time.
One last touch
One last hope
One last chance
To say 'I love you'
Before your soul leaves
And I'm left with only what held your essence
And a shattered heart.
The doctor gave me stronger puffers today
He says that there's still a strain in my chest
That strain is from missing you, my love
missing the sounds of your laughter.
Those random breathless moments are
from missing your heartwarming hugs
the sporadic moments of pain -
a way of letting me know
it never fully healed
The doctor gave me steroids
he doesn't know that all my heart needs is you.
I travelled home last week for a celebration. It was an amazing family reunion and to be honest, I’ve only been back a day but I already feel out of place. I miss my family – my safe space. I have felt true happiness this past week; pure joy, security, calmness and peace.
Maybe I’ll go into more details about my trip when I’m settled in properly but that’s all for now. I just felt the need to share how I’m feeling at the moment.
Here are the top things I learned in the first three months of the year.
Continue reading “Top 15 Lessons in the First Three Months of 2019.”
- God is interested in every aspect of your life no matter how minute.
- Fear will cripple you. Tell the devil to keep his useless gift.
- There’s a very thin line between kindness and foolishness.
- Love is not only the expression acceptable to show; express your anger and disappointment too.
- Not everyone should be allowed see you bare and laid down. Guard your space.
- Your eyes disappear and your face is funny when you laugh; but do it anyway.
I became one with you
the moment I proclaimed You Lord over me
I became your heart
the minute you ran towards me
I lost my way; ashamed to find your face
But your love found me
your peace, wrapped around me tightly
Never in my broken girl's wildest dreams
did I see such a beautiful redemption happening to me.
I am one with you;
because I proclaimed You Lord over me
I got a word from my heart.
'Maybe if you stop searching,
you'll find me.'
So I took a break from
certain faces that made me
Certain spaces that made me
Whatever it took, to find me.
And when I stopped searching -
I found her
waiting for her prodigal part
to return home.
Does it hurt to die?
When the soul leaves the body
does it slowly drag
in a gruesome manner;
allowing the body to experience
an unbearable pain
For the last time
Just for the fun of it?
Or does it leave
in one swoop;
so fast that the body
doesn't even notice
that it's been left alone
With no life to continue?